Fear. It's interesting how broad fear is. It seems it seeps into every corner and crease of every mind in some way. Fear of spiders, of touch, heights... fearing the possibility of an event... fearing what others may say about you... fearing your appearance is not perfect. There could be the fear that lingers after a traumatizing event.
We can even be afraid of what we see in people.
Let me explain: Have you ever talked to the victim of, oh, let's say rape? You ever noticed that ever so slight, hidden fear? You see this person, someone who could not control the situation, someone who has had her innocence stolen... you focus on all these factors. You now seem to see this person as dirty, as guilty. You may seem even "grossed out". Yes, this is fear. You are afraid of what you see. You look down on her, you may even see her as worthless, you ostracize her.
I am getting somewhere.
Now let's look at the situation from the eyes of the victim. The one thing she has feared has happened. Now she fears something new: how people see her. Let us say she is now pregnant. Now let us say she wants to keep the baby (I have a point here). Now, even more fears arise: Do I really want the baby? What will my friends think of me? Is there something wrong with me? Could anyone love me? How could anyone love me after this? Now doubt steps in, then depression. She sees how people look down on her, and especially her baby. It is too late to turn back, the baby will be coming soon. It seems to her that everyone has abandoned her. She keeps the baby not as a reminder of what happened, but because she is alone and only wants something to love and to love her back.
Back to society. Now, we should go to her, hold her, comfort her, tell her it is not her fault. We should go after the man who stole her innocence, her maidenhead. We should encourage her to keep the child, and then take up the child as a gift, as a new addition to society. But what do we do? We look at her as damaged goods. We look at her baby as garbage, based on the fact that half of the unborn child's DNA comes from the rapist. It's not like the child will definitely become a murderer or rapist because of some "genetic inclination"! As long as the child is loved and is raised in a good family, there really should be no problem there. We give her dirty looks. We do nothing less than throw her away. Why?
That is always what it comes down to, is it not? Why? The big question. This brings me back to my first point. Fear. It is easy to understand the fear of rape... but why is it we seem to fear the victim? She didn't do anything wrong, she could not control what was happening, she fought, but could not overcome her attacker. Simple it seems, but sadly never is. And why do we seem to fear the unborn child that may come of it? For some, it is because of genetics, that "genetic inclination" mentioned earlier. Rape is not a gene, it is an action, and to call it anything else merely excuses the one who has committed the action. Look at it this way: why excuse a man who has stolen the self-esteem, confidence, hope, joy, virginity, even beauty of a young woman? To say he could not control it because of some "gene" is to excuse him of destroying and tormenting an innocent person. There is no excuse for such an act. There is certainly no excuse for the way society treats such an event. Throw away the victim, excuse the violator? I think not.
I strongly suggest that we all rethink, re-prioritize, and take a second look at the way we handle such situations.
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