Okay, so, probably expecting something more on the last post. I don't have anything. I've got something different this time.
The Self.
How often do we fear ourselves? Do we fear the decisions we make? How often do we allow our minds to belittle ourselves, and then believe it? This is where this fear lies. Some people would call it low self-esteem. A lot of this ties in with bullying and the aftermath. Let's look at what self-esteem is.
Self-esteem: n.- a realistic respect for or favorable impression of oneself; self-respect.
How does this fit? When we begin to doubt ourselves, to fear ourselves, we lose our self-respect... and if this goes on for a long period of time, it leads to a deeper fear, you'll begin to fear other things. This can lead to suicide, depression, general insecurity, and sometimes even physical illness. It's an unending chain that leads either to death, or just darker places and greater fear, unless you do something about it.
How does one fear himself? It's really more of a deep-seated doubt of one's own abilities, but when you get right down to it, doubt is a type of fear. Hmm... how to explain this. Ah, okay: the last time I entered a talent show, I was about 8 or 9, I sang "Stand" by Rebecca St. James. I nearly froze before it was time to go on stage. I had practiced for weeks, but I really doubted I was any good, and I began to fear my peers and the judges. Long story short, I made the judges and half the parents in the room cry and give a standing ovation because of the patriotic message of the song, but I didn't even place... I was the last one to be called up to receive a "participant" ribbon, and by that time I was already waiting in the car, crying. I almost stopped singing for a while, I feared that I was so terrible that a bad clap-and-dance routine of a Britney Spears song could place first, and I barely got a "participant" ribbon. And that doubt, that fear, only got worse when the pee-wee football team captain and his friends beat me up because I was singing around the playground.
There's other ways one can fear himself, these ones more obvious. For example: someone is bi-polar or has a split personality, and at some point realizes what is going on, but it's only after he's hurt someone. After he's hurt someone, emotionally or physically, he may cry, maybe hide or lock himself in a room, because he's afraid of being hated or afraid that he may at any moment hurt them again.
Much of the time, this fear is subtle. It can start as a question, turn into doubt, then anxiety, and then bloom like a Rafflesia (only it will stay there unless you deal with it). And like the Rafflesia, it can be hard to find until it has already bloomed, and then you don't have long. Fear and doubt are things that you must deal with quickly, else they will become something much more difficult to overcome. One thing you must not do is build walls around you. This is not something one can deal with on their own, and it will only get worse if you wall yourself up away from people.
December 22, 2009
November 24, 2009
A Question (just because it came up)
The other day, I was just chilling out and thinking. A little poem came to my mind. (warning: possibly graphic)
Lift the veil and see your bride.
Unless you can't, unless you're blind.
You see she's pale, pale as death.
Do you know this girl you're with?
Her kiss is cold, her touch is weak,
Her hand clammy on your cheek.
Is this really love to you?
Can you tell her words are true?
Do you even know her?
She'll touch your flesh, she'll steal your soul.
You bite your lip, feel your stomach roll.
You want her flesh, you lose control.
You will reap what you have sown.
O her heart, you don't care,
You just want to feel her hair.
And her face, you've barely seen.
Too distracted when bodies lean.
You don't even know her.
You feel a chill down your spine.
What have you done this time?
Yet you move right along
Hoping touch will bring a song.
But your empty heart still cries,
Overcome by sounding sighs.
Listen now, you might just hear
The muffled cry of conscience near.
You don't even know her.
Here's the question: Do you even know her? All too often we jump right in, shutting off our minds, shutting up our hearts and our conscience, and "let our hands do the talking". We're a society of "just do it". Who cares about the guilt? What guilt? You have nothing to be guilty of. Oh sure, so you got her pregnant... just have an abortion, it's no big deal. WRONG.
Can't add much more, the poem really says it all. Let's face it, there's a lot more than biology at work here, that's all I can really say at this time. We'll get into it more later, look at the battle behind the scenes, the psychology. I think this will end up being a lot less off-topic than it seems.
Lift the veil and see your bride.
Unless you can't, unless you're blind.
You see she's pale, pale as death.
Do you know this girl you're with?
Her kiss is cold, her touch is weak,
Her hand clammy on your cheek.
Is this really love to you?
Can you tell her words are true?
Do you even know her?
She'll touch your flesh, she'll steal your soul.
You bite your lip, feel your stomach roll.
You want her flesh, you lose control.
You will reap what you have sown.
O her heart, you don't care,
You just want to feel her hair.
And her face, you've barely seen.
Too distracted when bodies lean.
You don't even know her.
You feel a chill down your spine.
What have you done this time?
Yet you move right along
Hoping touch will bring a song.
But your empty heart still cries,
Overcome by sounding sighs.
Listen now, you might just hear
The muffled cry of conscience near.
You don't even know her.
Here's the question: Do you even know her? All too often we jump right in, shutting off our minds, shutting up our hearts and our conscience, and "let our hands do the talking". We're a society of "just do it". Who cares about the guilt? What guilt? You have nothing to be guilty of. Oh sure, so you got her pregnant... just have an abortion, it's no big deal. WRONG.
Can't add much more, the poem really says it all. Let's face it, there's a lot more than biology at work here, that's all I can really say at this time. We'll get into it more later, look at the battle behind the scenes, the psychology. I think this will end up being a lot less off-topic than it seems.
November 17, 2009
Insecurity
Insecurity is something most, if not all, feel at some point in life. Some feel it for much longer than a moment, a week, a day. This is something I know deeply. Insecurity, like fear itself, encompasses many things. It can be caused by many things, and can cause shyness and a general uneasiness with life. It would seem, this particular state of mind and soul mingles with my last post. Fear of touch, of people, etc. In all reality, anything and everything I post here will simply come back to fear, but I like to explore different facets.
Let's look at the causes of insecurity. One cause could be violence in the home. A girl could be abused by her dad or a boy abused by his mom, causing an insecurity, an uneasiness around people of the opposite sex. Another cause could be bullying. A child is mentally and physically abused by their peers, or even their teachers. Maybe the main cause is simply: rejection.
Now the effect. Anxiety, uneasiness, shyness, literally crawling into corners, avoiding eye contact. Some insecure people even (as we've all known) resort to bullying to cope; it's almost as if they're taking vengeance on their past. Some crawl into the arms of a lover in the hope of finding some essence of security, stability, love. Some bury themselves in work. Others bury themselves in partying. It's actually quite interesting what the effects are, and how many there are. Some surround themselves with friends, or at least try; always looking for acceptance. Maybe the main effect is simply: a longing for acceptance.
Makes you wonder. Maybe that's the problem in society. It's a vicious cycle. We become insecure, then we either abuse or avoid, and all it does is cause others' insecurity. Psychologically, it causes a nearly insurmountable battle in the individual mind, causes questions that are nearly unanswerable.
Yes, let's look there. The mind, the heart, the soul (they're all interconnected). The battle that ensues consumes, truly. You ask yourself who you are, what you are, what you want to be, the price of who you've become in order to cope. You start to beg for stability, for answers.
You look in all the wrong places.
Of course, I cannot tell you those answers, you must find those on your own. I can tell you this: those answers lie neither within nor in the arms of a lover. You must search, learn from mistakes, keep asking those questions; it will not be instantaneous. It will take time. Trust me, it's painful, but answers will come. Don't forget to pray. Whether you believe it or not, it is a powerful thing, and you are heard.
Let's look at the causes of insecurity. One cause could be violence in the home. A girl could be abused by her dad or a boy abused by his mom, causing an insecurity, an uneasiness around people of the opposite sex. Another cause could be bullying. A child is mentally and physically abused by their peers, or even their teachers. Maybe the main cause is simply: rejection.
Now the effect. Anxiety, uneasiness, shyness, literally crawling into corners, avoiding eye contact. Some insecure people even (as we've all known) resort to bullying to cope; it's almost as if they're taking vengeance on their past. Some crawl into the arms of a lover in the hope of finding some essence of security, stability, love. Some bury themselves in work. Others bury themselves in partying. It's actually quite interesting what the effects are, and how many there are. Some surround themselves with friends, or at least try; always looking for acceptance. Maybe the main effect is simply: a longing for acceptance.
Makes you wonder. Maybe that's the problem in society. It's a vicious cycle. We become insecure, then we either abuse or avoid, and all it does is cause others' insecurity. Psychologically, it causes a nearly insurmountable battle in the individual mind, causes questions that are nearly unanswerable.
Yes, let's look there. The mind, the heart, the soul (they're all interconnected). The battle that ensues consumes, truly. You ask yourself who you are, what you are, what you want to be, the price of who you've become in order to cope. You start to beg for stability, for answers.
You look in all the wrong places.
Of course, I cannot tell you those answers, you must find those on your own. I can tell you this: those answers lie neither within nor in the arms of a lover. You must search, learn from mistakes, keep asking those questions; it will not be instantaneous. It will take time. Trust me, it's painful, but answers will come. Don't forget to pray. Whether you believe it or not, it is a powerful thing, and you are heard.
September 11, 2009
A Look: Fear, Rape, and Society
Fear. It's interesting how broad fear is. It seems it seeps into every corner and crease of every mind in some way. Fear of spiders, of touch, heights... fearing the possibility of an event... fearing what others may say about you... fearing your appearance is not perfect. There could be the fear that lingers after a traumatizing event.
We can even be afraid of what we see in people.
Let me explain: Have you ever talked to the victim of, oh, let's say rape? You ever noticed that ever so slight, hidden fear? You see this person, someone who could not control the situation, someone who has had her innocence stolen... you focus on all these factors. You now seem to see this person as dirty, as guilty. You may seem even "grossed out". Yes, this is fear. You are afraid of what you see. You look down on her, you may even see her as worthless, you ostracize her.
I am getting somewhere.
Now let's look at the situation from the eyes of the victim. The one thing she has feared has happened. Now she fears something new: how people see her. Let us say she is now pregnant. Now let us say she wants to keep the baby (I have a point here). Now, even more fears arise: Do I really want the baby? What will my friends think of me? Is there something wrong with me? Could anyone love me? How could anyone love me after this? Now doubt steps in, then depression. She sees how people look down on her, and especially her baby. It is too late to turn back, the baby will be coming soon. It seems to her that everyone has abandoned her. She keeps the baby not as a reminder of what happened, but because she is alone and only wants something to love and to love her back.
Back to society. Now, we should go to her, hold her, comfort her, tell her it is not her fault. We should go after the man who stole her innocence, her maidenhead. We should encourage her to keep the child, and then take up the child as a gift, as a new addition to society. But what do we do? We look at her as damaged goods. We look at her baby as garbage, based on the fact that half of the unborn child's DNA comes from the rapist. It's not like the child will definitely become a murderer or rapist because of some "genetic inclination"! As long as the child is loved and is raised in a good family, there really should be no problem there. We give her dirty looks. We do nothing less than throw her away. Why?
That is always what it comes down to, is it not? Why? The big question. This brings me back to my first point. Fear. It is easy to understand the fear of rape... but why is it we seem to fear the victim? She didn't do anything wrong, she could not control what was happening, she fought, but could not overcome her attacker. Simple it seems, but sadly never is. And why do we seem to fear the unborn child that may come of it? For some, it is because of genetics, that "genetic inclination" mentioned earlier. Rape is not a gene, it is an action, and to call it anything else merely excuses the one who has committed the action. Look at it this way: why excuse a man who has stolen the self-esteem, confidence, hope, joy, virginity, even beauty of a young woman? To say he could not control it because of some "gene" is to excuse him of destroying and tormenting an innocent person. There is no excuse for such an act. There is certainly no excuse for the way society treats such an event. Throw away the victim, excuse the violator? I think not.
I strongly suggest that we all rethink, re-prioritize, and take a second look at the way we handle such situations.
We can even be afraid of what we see in people.
Let me explain: Have you ever talked to the victim of, oh, let's say rape? You ever noticed that ever so slight, hidden fear? You see this person, someone who could not control the situation, someone who has had her innocence stolen... you focus on all these factors. You now seem to see this person as dirty, as guilty. You may seem even "grossed out". Yes, this is fear. You are afraid of what you see. You look down on her, you may even see her as worthless, you ostracize her.
I am getting somewhere.
Now let's look at the situation from the eyes of the victim. The one thing she has feared has happened. Now she fears something new: how people see her. Let us say she is now pregnant. Now let us say she wants to keep the baby (I have a point here). Now, even more fears arise: Do I really want the baby? What will my friends think of me? Is there something wrong with me? Could anyone love me? How could anyone love me after this? Now doubt steps in, then depression. She sees how people look down on her, and especially her baby. It is too late to turn back, the baby will be coming soon. It seems to her that everyone has abandoned her. She keeps the baby not as a reminder of what happened, but because she is alone and only wants something to love and to love her back.
Back to society. Now, we should go to her, hold her, comfort her, tell her it is not her fault. We should go after the man who stole her innocence, her maidenhead. We should encourage her to keep the child, and then take up the child as a gift, as a new addition to society. But what do we do? We look at her as damaged goods. We look at her baby as garbage, based on the fact that half of the unborn child's DNA comes from the rapist. It's not like the child will definitely become a murderer or rapist because of some "genetic inclination"! As long as the child is loved and is raised in a good family, there really should be no problem there. We give her dirty looks. We do nothing less than throw her away. Why?
That is always what it comes down to, is it not? Why? The big question. This brings me back to my first point. Fear. It is easy to understand the fear of rape... but why is it we seem to fear the victim? She didn't do anything wrong, she could not control what was happening, she fought, but could not overcome her attacker. Simple it seems, but sadly never is. And why do we seem to fear the unborn child that may come of it? For some, it is because of genetics, that "genetic inclination" mentioned earlier. Rape is not a gene, it is an action, and to call it anything else merely excuses the one who has committed the action. Look at it this way: why excuse a man who has stolen the self-esteem, confidence, hope, joy, virginity, even beauty of a young woman? To say he could not control it because of some "gene" is to excuse him of destroying and tormenting an innocent person. There is no excuse for such an act. There is certainly no excuse for the way society treats such an event. Throw away the victim, excuse the violator? I think not.
I strongly suggest that we all rethink, re-prioritize, and take a second look at the way we handle such situations.
June 7, 2009
Christians and violent novels
I find it interesting that so many Christians shy away from violence. Face it, life is violent, the Bible is very violent and bloody... maybe even more so than any of Frank Peretti's or Ted Dekker's novels (in Monster, for example, a guy was torn limb from limb). I don't know, maybe that's exactly why Christians shy away from it... they want a break from the violence... maybe they think it's wrong to put anything violent into their minds. I don't know the answer... every mind and every heart is different.
Here's a question, because my mind just brought it up: Are we afraid of our own hearts? Maybe that is it. Maybe some people are afraid that if they read of or see anything violent, it will pour into their hearts or it will bring out the violence or fear already lurking there.
Maybe I just don't understand it... for my mind is numb to violence and fear. It no longer bothers me, at least in what I read and watch. Certainly, I would not fill my mind with something like Doomsday (a movie my parents watched alone one night, while we were asleep, which they said contained some gruesomely realistic cannibalistic scenes), that, I'd have to say, probably would bother me. Let me explain: Has any one of you stared Fear in the eyes (literally, the spirit of Fear)? Has any one here looked into a person's eyes and saw murder and bloodthirst? Maybe someone here has. I have. Many times.
Violence and fear are a part of everyday life. We should not fear it or shy from it. We should stare it down and scream at it, "You will not take me!"!! We certainly should not partake in it, but neither should we fear it every step of the way. If you continually fear and avoid violence and Fear, you will find it hunting you down, and overtaking you... I know, trust me.
I notice all the Christians fretting over Ted Dekker's mainstream novel, BoneMan's Daughters... I find it trivial and wasteful. It's a fictional character! I know he's evil, but don't waste your time!! Focus all that passion and energy into something REAL! As Christians, we need to get out, we need to speak against real violence: speak out against abusive households, against abortion (God mourns so much over what we have done to his children!), against slavery of every sort, against back-stabbing... don't waste your time over a piece of fiction!
Note: I understand I said "against abortion"... I know it's not completely PC, but I am not here to offend nor please anyone. I am here to state my thoughts on the Christian views of fear and violence, not to argue over abortion. So move your thoughts on abortion to a different blog if you want to talk about it. Thank you for your time and patience.
Here's a question, because my mind just brought it up: Are we afraid of our own hearts? Maybe that is it. Maybe some people are afraid that if they read of or see anything violent, it will pour into their hearts or it will bring out the violence or fear already lurking there.
Maybe I just don't understand it... for my mind is numb to violence and fear. It no longer bothers me, at least in what I read and watch. Certainly, I would not fill my mind with something like Doomsday (a movie my parents watched alone one night, while we were asleep, which they said contained some gruesomely realistic cannibalistic scenes), that, I'd have to say, probably would bother me. Let me explain: Has any one of you stared Fear in the eyes (literally, the spirit of Fear)? Has any one here looked into a person's eyes and saw murder and bloodthirst? Maybe someone here has. I have. Many times.
Violence and fear are a part of everyday life. We should not fear it or shy from it. We should stare it down and scream at it, "You will not take me!"!! We certainly should not partake in it, but neither should we fear it every step of the way. If you continually fear and avoid violence and Fear, you will find it hunting you down, and overtaking you... I know, trust me.
I notice all the Christians fretting over Ted Dekker's mainstream novel, BoneMan's Daughters... I find it trivial and wasteful. It's a fictional character! I know he's evil, but don't waste your time!! Focus all that passion and energy into something REAL! As Christians, we need to get out, we need to speak against real violence: speak out against abusive households, against abortion (God mourns so much over what we have done to his children!), against slavery of every sort, against back-stabbing... don't waste your time over a piece of fiction!
Note: I understand I said "against abortion"... I know it's not completely PC, but I am not here to offend nor please anyone. I am here to state my thoughts on the Christian views of fear and violence, not to argue over abortion. So move your thoughts on abortion to a different blog if you want to talk about it. Thank you for your time and patience.
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