How Much?

How much for the newspaper?

How much for the milk?

How much for the hotel room?

... How much for the girl?

No, this is not about human trafficking. Although, in some ways, it is. You see, so often in life we cheapen and sell ourselves. We do so the most when it comes to love and careers.

In the workforce, we all to often compromise or kiss-up. We settle for whatever lowly position we think they'll offer us, rarely hoping for more. We'll pick up the first job we find (usually fast food) to pay for our college. We don't always think "Hey, you know what? I was making good money selling art and designing signs for companies. Why not pay my loans with that AND get my degree?". Likely it's because we think we're not able to do that kind of work and study at the same time, that it's too much. Or maybe we don't think we're worthy enough until we have a degree.

But the most mentally pervasive time in which we cop out is in our love lives.

Women are not the only ones who tend to think lowly of themselves in a relationship. Men often do as well. Both genders will repeatedly lower their value in their own minds until they can see themselves with almost anyone. At the same time, they will see themselves unworthy of anyone who appears to be of a higher class socially, in appearance, in attitude, or who just seems like a, for lack of a better word, good person.

And how much are you worth?

Faith tells us that we are worth the life and blood of the only son of God. Most parents tell us that we are worth their love and care and time and honor, that we are their joy (or in some cases, their obligation). As we grow and learn through experience, our measure of worth changes. Some raise the bar: they will think of themselves as average in worth, and strive to become more worthy. Some lower the bar: they were once lowly, and now they've reached a plane far above most, and thus will rarely bother to grow. Some will raise others far above themselves and exist only to grovel for what wealth or love there appears to be for them.

And then there's the times we lie to ourselves. We speak aloud highly of our worth, but in secret we are merely the germs between your toes. We will present ourselves as dignitaries, yet enslave ourselves to anyone; always keeping up the facade. But, the thing is, no matter which of these groups you see yourself as, you are subconsciously only goods to be sold to another human.

In this society of "Do as you wish", we are only trafficking ourselves. Pimping our bodies and our futures to whoever will take it. If everyone is the same, equal, then what is our worth?

What is he/she worth?

We never really stop to think about it. We're so busy thinking of our own worth. It's even worse in relationships. We give to our partners according to our worth, but think of ourselves as worthless. It's a cycle of destruction in which we leave our conscience at the door, sacrifice our bodies on the altar of the bed, and gather our things on our way out. All because we think we're worth nothing more to our partner.

But if we just thought a little better of our worth, could that change things? Maybe we can ask ourselves what they're worth to us, and then stand to hold off the 'sale'. Is he/she worth what I have to offer? Like in business, it isn't wise to give a product to someone unless they have something of equal or greater value to trade.

I really had to face that question in November of 2011. "Is he worth what I have to offer?", I asked myself as things got heated. But I had lowered my own worth and wouldn't look past it. Instead I weighed whether he could be a good dad one day, or how I could ever satisfy him and his endless appetite. I based my desires and decisions on whether the family approved of him: fully aware that they did not and would not know what we had given upon the 'altar'.

And after a far too close call, I realized some things. Some of them I still can't seem to grasp, but for sanity's sake hope that I do soon:

1. The bed was never the altar. My body is the temple; my heart is the altar. That is to say: my body is sacred, but my heart is where the business is done. Your body is a quick, easy, and cheap transaction, but the heart never dies and will always remain in a safe-deposit-box somewhere.
2. I can give my heart to any one and any thing. Giving my heart to your heart would have been a much stronger bond than when I gave my body to yours...
3. And yet, the body has a way of tricking the heart into desiring something it hadn't before. (yeah, guys, you have a slight excuse for your addictions. I understand now.)
4. Indeed, he was not worth what I have. He did not respect, love, or honor what I gave, even (like the others) when I said 'stop'. Men and Women: Manipulation is an awful offense, and the greatest form of disrespect. Do not push each other for what you want, especially if it's something one or both of you are not ready for.
5. He is also a victim. Although I was his and the others' victim, they were all victims of their own 'demons'. They were victimized by lust, pornography, and their own chemical and hormonal brains, and as many victims do, they grew to love their captors. After that, they couldn't stop.

So how much are you worth? What is he/she worth to you? Is it wise to give your heart to someone who will only give their body in return? Think about that before you sell yourself.

Lastly, I have something to say to both men and women.

Men: Attraction is quite the bitch. Don't mistake attraction for love. And I know you're turned on by the slightest things, but don't use those moments alone with someone as an opportunity to fulfill your desires. Don't manipulate people, and don't allow yourselves to BE manipulated. Realize your worth, that you deserve someone who will respect you, love you, praise you for your deeds, and thank you for your love. Look for a partner, an equal that you can game with, match wits with, and love with, not just a toy. She is your princess, and you are the prince. You are the artist, she is the model of your masterpiece.

Women: Don't emasculate your man, or manipulate him. He is not your toy or experiment, he is not something to be 'changed' or 'house-trained', and don't look for someone just to be those things. Be playful, flirt a little, but don't be a seductress... that only gets you BOTH into trouble. And do not, please, do not be a drama queen. Everyone hates that. Discuss things like the adult you are with your partner, not behind their back (yes, even I have done this). There is nothing wrong with the counsel of wise people, but refrain from the common "He just doesn't get me. I'm pissed. He forgot flowers on our date." kind of crap. It's childish and pointless. State concerns calmly, asking mainly for courage to discuss those concerns with your partner. Don't say things in a way in which the only response is, "I think you should dump him" for everything. He is king, you are queen, treat each other as such. He is like your cushion, but only because he knows you are fragile and takes care not to break you, not because you like to sit on him.