When You're Shaken and Running

    We all run from things in our life. We all fear circumstances, or the inevitability of downfall. Few of us trust, and if we do, we do so with much trepidation. Our society has taught us to fear. Our circumstances, memories, and present affairs teach us to trust no one. We're a people controlled by fear, from the highest authorities, down to each individual decision.

     But the minute, smallest, individual decisions, and even the big ones, are what really drives us. Sometimes in the right direction, but many times to our destruction.

     Who we choose to trust. Who we love. What we dream, or goals we set; our achievements, or just wherever in the workforce we end up. What information we trust our loved ones with, if any at all. We all struggle with these decisions, and why?

    Fear. Our enemy, and the thing we've come to hold closest to our hearts. It binds us, controls us, like puppets. Marionettes hung from the hands of a dark shadow. Because of it, we run away from our callings rather than running TO them. It tells us that our talents will never provide for our needs. That the people we care about might not care for us. It brings up traumas from our past and tells us "He'll only do the same to you as that last person".

    Worst of all: It freezes our faith. Puts us in a cryogenic state where we're alive, but can't do anything. We can't trust people, we can't let God be God, we can't move forward or backward. And it pushes us to make stupid decisions that pull us farther from everyone and everything we care for.

     I've spent my time running, shaken, fearful of everything I loved. I barely had the courage to give the message to the ones I was supposed to. And when one man told me that I had no faith because I didn't go to Seminary, and therefore no right to speak, I was not only kicked out of that youth group, but I ran away from my friends, and the one person I really loved.

     It's been over a year. I still seem to run, because I'm afraid. I need to go back, I must go back, and finish what I needed to do in the first place. I fear what they think of me, all those I left behind. Do they feel betrayed? Most importantly, does he feel betrayed? He's the one I ran from most. I run from love more than anything, especially now. I'm afraid. That's all I can keep saying, because I know nothing else to do. I hurt him, more than anyone there. And now I want to make things right.

  But, of course, fear is preventing such action.

    Why is it that fear seems the most comforting thing when we're shaken and running? Is it that we don't have to take action when we confide in fear? Is it just a good excuse, or a terrible roadblock? Does it make things clearer, or only create a warped perception of what's really going on?

     So what will it take to break away from this "comfort" zone? It's so easy to fall back into. It starts when you finally LISTEN to the encouragement your friends bestow. That may be the hardest thing for many of us to do. I know it is for me. But this is where you need to start, where I need to start. From here, it's rocky. Fear does not like to let you go. It's always a struggle, but it's one you MUST win, or forever hold your unrest.